


Chubby Human Cheeks

by FishPrincess



Series: HSWC 2014 Bonus Round 7 [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Language, Talk of Slime Child Abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 17:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2859560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishPrincess/pseuds/FishPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Kanaya have created a monster. For HSWC Bonus Round 7. A written remix to an illustration by Dreamwidth user dojinski.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chubby Human Cheeks

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unknown](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/89339) by dojinski. 



Dave must always keep his cool. It’s a rule that he has honed into a steady art form to ensure that absolutely nothing will throw him off guard. This has been achieved throughout his mastery of all things bullshit, but he never expected before today that he would be the one responsible for an abomination capable of making him utterly speechless.

The creature he stares at is the very definition of Karkat’s worst fears. It was Dave’s idea to fuck around in the ectobiology lab, and Kanaya joined him as a method of stress relief. Given his incessant rambling, Kanaya likely gave in to make him feel better.

When Dave suggested that they make a baby, he was only joking. Plus, it was an opportunity to pack in as many sex and dick jokes as he could. Kanaya remained unconcerned about the entire deal, allowing him to do exactly as he wanted.

Doing exactly as he wanted led to a green, mutated maggot-baby.

“Oh, shit,” he finally says, taking a defensive stance like the wiggling larvae is capable of attacking.

It gurgles, back deformed like a grub, but it has two protruding arms that give it Dave’s humanistic qualities. Its hair is a downright mess – that style looks too much like a mullet. This is no normal child or grub, no, it is a slime atrocity.

After a moment of silence, Kanaya appears to be mostly unfazed.

“I believe we have created a monster.”

Beads of sweat line Dave’s forehead, a sick feeling stirring in his stomach.

“This is no time for movie clichés, Kanaya,” Dave says, arching his neck a bit to see if he can get a better view of the so-called monster. “We’ve officially shitted ourselves into oblivion. There’s no turning back now, just a black hole of douchebaggery and asshole-osity waiting to suck us in for our sins. Get on your knees, it’s going to be a slimy ride.”

“Perhaps the circumstances are not so dire,” she says, her voice the same calm and slow monotone as it always is. “I think it is kind of cute.”

“Sure, cute for a hipster redneck hybrid dropped balls deep into a metropolis.”

“Look at its eyes, Dave.”

Dave does exactly that, teeth clenched as he warily tiptoes around to the front.

“Fuck, are those lenses or are those eyes?”

“Maybe if you touch it, you can find out.”

Dave looks back at Kanaya, and she is completely serious.

“I’m not going to poke it in the eye after giving it the misfortune of life. That’s like the cherry on top of a shit ice cream sundae.”

The next time he looks over at Kanaya, she makes her way toward the slime baby and carefully scoops it up in her arms. Its legs move around like jello, nearly displacing around her arms.

“It’s not so bad. Want to hold it before we blast it off to a planet of other troll-human bro-babies?”

Dave shakes his head adamantly. “Hell no, and we can’t blast it off, Kanaya, I’m not sending our pale-child to float in space forever or whatever you trolls do with these things. C’mon, give me some kind of credit, will you?”

“I assure you credit is given,” she says, and a light smile tugs at one corner of her mouth. “It has your chubby human cheeks.”

Dave groans.


End file.
